I posted last week about my focus word for the year, presence. How I tend to ‘do’ a lot with my children and how they just want me to ‘be’ there. I think I do the same thing with God. My prayer is to be present and spend time in His presence.
After praying and focusing on my focus word for a couple weeks, my baby got sick. The sickest he’s been and I think maybe more sick than the others have ever been (at least a longer duration). All he wanted was to be held and be held and be held. And not the kind of holding where I could do something at the same time. But I had so many things to ‘do’, I had two other kids and school and a house to run. But my baby needed me, my presence. And since there wasn’t really anything else I could do, I held him.
For. Two. Days.
Two days in which I didn’t get anything done, in which we didn’t go grocery shopping, and we missed a party and a playdate, in which we ate Subway and frozen pizza for dinners. Two days that I was present for my fussy, sick baby and while I held him, I spent some time with God too. And even though I wouldn’t have picked to spend my days that way, I’d like to think I passed my first presence test.
Aside: The older kids thought the first day was a great vacation and then Nate took them out the second day (which also happened to be Hannah’s birthday). It is nice to have a wonderful partner to do life with!
I know Joel isn’t going to remember these two days. I know none of them will think back and remember all those times mom did chores or cleaned up after them. They hopefully won’t remember the times I snapped at them. I’ve heard that they are going to look back and remember the times we spent together. I don’t want to be a helicopter parent. But I do want to be available. I hope I’m teaching them independence and how to work out their problems. Then, I want to be there when they can’t do it on their own, or when they face something new that I can help them with. I want them to know that whatever I am ‘doing’ at the time isn’t near as important as they are to me. I pray that when they look back they will remember that I was always there for them when they needed me, present.