The thesis statement for this post should probably be \u201cThe Parallels between fostering and the more traditional parenting\u201d or maybe \u201cThings I\u2019ve Learned from Fostering that I Can Apply to Raising my Own and vice versa\u201d.<\/p>\n
People often tell us that they couldn\u2019t foster, for whatever reason they\u2019ve decided is prohibitive. Most often I\u2019ve heard that they couldn\u2019t bear to give up the children or wouldn\u2019t want to deal with any trauma or behaviors the child may have. This post is largely in response to that statement because when people say that to me I think to myself, \u201cThat\u2019s exactly how I felt\/feel about my own children, but I had them anyway.\u201d I\u2019ve decided that fostering is really just parenting on a compressed schedule (speed parenting). You really go through all the same stages and emotions as you expect to when you have a bio child. Bio children have just as many quirks and behaviors as anyone else. The primary difference being the variable in the length of the time you have the child and some amount of \u2018history\u2019 the child has (most people call this baggage) that you have no control over.<\/p>\n
Preparing
\nNate and I probably started talking about names we wanted to use for our children before we even got married. Most people make a conscious decision bring a child into this world and even in the case of those \u2018accidents\u2019 that come along, parents have a lot of preparation time before the children arrive. Foster parents go through all the same prepping and nesting activities with the addition of the ridiculous amount of stuff you have to do in the licensing process. But in both cases, there is that calm before the storm. The period of time when you think you have everything you need (haha) or have done everything you can to prepare and you are ready for this child to enter your home.<\/p>\n
Honeymoon
\nThe honeymoon stage is legendary among foster parents. It\u2019s that first week or maybe a little longer when that child is \u2018feeling you out\u2019 and doesn\u2019t know how you are going to react\/discipline\/respond to their actions. From the parent\u2019s perspective, everything seems to be going smoothly and you think, \u201cThis is nice.\u201d But then life continues and (especially if the child feels safe) the testing begins. I\u2019ve found that we have this with our own children as well. It isn\u2019t as pronounced, but anytime we come upon a new situation or circumstance, and even as the children age and start to form their own opinions about things, we have to go through another round of testing each other out. Looking back on fosters, this is a period of time that I usually have more regrets. I tend to let them get away with more stuff at first until I get to know them better and then start to crack down on stuff that continues to come up. I think this is probably confusing for the children and would help if I would be more consistent, but I\u2019m also feeling the children out to figure what type of discipline works best and what issues I really want to make a priority over others.<\/p>\n
Life
\nThis is the middle period. It\u2019s time to hunker down and prepare for the long haul. With fosters, you don\u2019t quite know how long this will be. But either with foster or bio, this period can be a beautiful growing time. A time of learning new skills and reaching new milestones. It can also be discouraging when you are down in the details and can\u2019t see the progress. The daily routine can wear you down. I feel like fostering really helps me appreciate this stage of my own children\u2019s life. Since fostering is so short, I\u2019ve been able to go through this stage multiple times and experience how fleeting it can be and how much progress\/learning\/growing happens on a very short time frame. It helps me to remember to take a step back, look back at last year, or review how far we\u2019ve come. And try to just enjoy the time we have for as long as we have it because I know all too soon, it will be over.<\/p>\n
Saying Goodbye
\nNo, this part is not easy or fun. Our family has a healthy perspective in this area because we go into it from day one explaining to the foster kids that we\u2019re just taking care of them until their parents or someone else can provide a safe place for them. Our kids know we won\u2019t have this person in our lives forever, so they seem to go with the flow a little easier. But all that doesn\u2019t take away the fact that we\u2019ve had a \u2018family member\u2019 with us for a certain amount of time, they\u2019ve shared holidays and birthdays and trips, small moments and big moments, and will always be there in our memories and scrapbooks. You miss them when they are gone, even the annoying little things. From a fostering perspective, this stage can either be like sending your kids off to college knowing that you\u2019ll still have a place in their lives or it can be more similar to a death when you know you may not hear from them ever again. But it also has an exciting and joyous \u2018sending\u2019 off feeling when they do go back to their parents with a new start. We\u2019ve always said that we are just taking care of our children for God for as long as we have them and we feel the same way about the fosters. We have to trust that he\u2019s got a plan for them. And the goal of raising our children is to release them as functioning members of society some day, so we know this stage is coming for them as well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The thesis statement for this post should probably be \u201cThe Parallels between fostering and the more traditional parenting\u201d or maybe \u201cThings I\u2019ve Learned from Fostering that I Can Apply to Raising my Own and vice versa\u201d. People often tell us that they couldn\u2019t foster, for whatever reason they\u2019ve decided is prohibitive. Most often I\u2019ve heard…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16795,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Speed Parenting","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[245,14,7],"tags":[3262,2393,1284],"class_list":["post-3399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-becca-2","category-foster-care","category-kids","tag-bio","tag-fostering","tag-lessons","wpcat-245-id","wpcat-14-id","wpcat-7-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p504YJ-SP","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2466,"url":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/2012\/11\/back-on-the-list-2","url_meta":{"origin":3399,"position":0},"title":"Back on the List","author":"Becca","date":"November 2, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"My OB thinks there isn't any reason we couldn't try to have another baby, we'll just try to monitor a little more closely and possibly do some progesterone shots. Nate and I are gonna think on this for awhile and see how we feel later. No reason to make any\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Foster-Adopt"","block_context":{"text":"Foster-Adopt","link":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/cat\/foster-care"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/11\/foster-care-month-ribbon-180x300.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8805,"url":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/2012\/04\/no-tantrums","url_meta":{"origin":3399,"position":1},"title":"No Tantrums","author":"Becca","date":"April 16, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"We had a whole weekend without a tantrum. :) I cannot say the same for this morning. :(","rel":"","context":"In "Becca"","block_context":{"text":"Becca","link":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/cat\/becca-2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":16790,"url":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/2021\/01\/brownie","url_meta":{"origin":3399,"position":2},"title":"Brownie","author":"Becca","date":"January 9, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Say hi to our new friend Brownie. We are fostering her for an indefinite amount of time.","rel":"","context":"In "Becca"","block_context":{"text":"Becca","link":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/cat\/becca-2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/01-brownie.jpg?fit=1200%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/01-brownie.jpg?fit=1200%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/01-brownie.jpg?fit=1200%2C960&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/01-brownie.jpg?fit=1200%2C960&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/01-brownie.jpg?fit=1200%2C960&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":9240,"url":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/2010\/06\/long-weekend","url_meta":{"origin":3399,"position":3},"title":"Long Weekend","author":"Becca","date":"June 11, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Gaining two foster kids for the weekend, bring on being parents to 4 kids under 5 yrs old . . . we can handle it!","rel":"","context":"In "Becca"","block_context":{"text":"Becca","link":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/cat\/becca-2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":14041,"url":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/adoption-journey","url_meta":{"origin":3399,"position":4},"title":"Adoption Journey","author":"Becca","date":"January 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Three years later and we are about to have our first visit with our special little girl. If you are thinking about fostering or adopting, don't wait. Please pray for us.","rel":"","context":"In "Becca"","block_context":{"text":"Becca","link":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/cat\/becca-2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/foster.jpg?fit=600%2C279&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/foster.jpg?fit=600%2C279&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/foster.jpg?fit=600%2C279&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5785,"url":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/2007\/11\/new-dedication","url_meta":{"origin":3399,"position":5},"title":"New Dedication","author":"Becca","date":"November 12, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Nate and I have completed class 1 of a 6 week biblical parenting course and so far it has been pretty good. One of the points made was that if you don't know God's word and if you don't have good habits reading the bible and praying, it is really\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Becca"","block_context":{"text":"Becca","link":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/cat\/becca-2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.themoehrings.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/foster.jpg?fit=600%2C279&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3399","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3399"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3399\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26935,"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3399\/revisions\/26935"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16795"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3399"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3399"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themoehrings.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3399"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}